myheadhurts

I'm trying hard to be a grown up. Finding an apartment, job, cell phone service, taking care of myself and my stuff and my family and moneymoneymoney. Is this what it is to be an adult? To be stressed out about things you don't give a flying fuck about but are obligated to worry over? I'd really just like to live. Learn to play guitar and ukulele and paint and write and make friends. This is what I want. Just to be. But the world is all wonky and it won't let me. Even if it did, though, I wouldn't let me because I would know that there are ridiculous children out there just like me who aren't getting the benefits of my free ride and I feel a burning desire to help them, to fix everything. I don't think happiness is possible for me. At least not now, at least not true, perfect happiness. It's all just too crazy and screwed up. I want to feed the hungry and teach the ignorant and hug the unloved and enliven the zombies and march and scream and dance and laugh and shake the very foundation of our societal thought processes!
I want to make it all go away. Leave behind only the starshine and unconditional love from which all this was created in the first place.
Sometimes, I feel so powerless. Then, someothertimes, it terrifies me how powerful I am. I'm just discovering wherein my power lies. Is it in my fingers? or my heart? or my brain? or my hair? or my speech? or my spleen? Dunno dunno dunno. Dunno anything.
Except!!! I know that we can fix all this. It's just going to take some sit-down chit chats, some serious heart to heart with all the world leaders. Obama needs to admit he's a tool and give up the real perpetrators of the most heinous crime in the history of the universe. The abusers and murderers and liars and thieves running this whole fucked-up sitcom. And then we need to send them to therapy and put compassionate, loving, logical, flexible, reliable, funny, peaceful, REAL people in charge of our world.

In conclusion, I blame all my stress and headache on the establishment. So there. Take that, corporate machine!