thoughts

Some crazy stuff has been happening. Such as:
-Today, I talked to this guy for the first time although, going to a tiny college in a tiny town I had, of course seen him around before. We ended up sitting across from each other at lunch and guess what?! We have the same birthday (as does another friend of mine, I found out two days ago). Not only that but when we finally introduced ourselves he recognized my name because he's met my aunt and uncle. It's a small world, after all!
-I've been working on my first short story for a Creative Process class I'm taking. It's about an eighty six year-old man. Two men of about that same age group have randomly interacted with me, one complimented my stockings, the other mocked my sweet dance moves in Hy-Vee. I don't recall any old old men talking to me directly and playfully in my life, other than family and family friends. I think they pick up on my current experimentation with thinking like one of them.
-Memories have become more real than ever before for me. I'll be sitting, surrounded by people and something will set me off and I'll be in fourth grade, being called out for stealing Pierce Richardson's NerdRope. These recollections are more vivid and detailed than I have ever experienced memories to be. I can actually really feel what was going on as well as see and hear and sometimes even smell. Maybe it's that I never let myself be truly present when those things happened and now that I've learned to open myself up, to be receptive and nondiscriminatory, I can go back and do it all over again. It's a blessing, that much I know. If I had been open and fully aware at the time of some these memories, I would have been broken. I had to shut myself off to a lot when I was a kid so that I could become the person I am today, the person who is strong enough to feel what that little girl couldn't. Funny, I always thought I was being brave and strong by putting up these walls between me and my emotions. Now I know better, I know that it takes far more courage to face the facts, the feelings than it ever took to deny them and put on a happy face. That was difficult in an entirely different way. A cowardly, distancing, egotistical way. The way of a scared child. So I forgive myself my past failings and move on, by going back and really living my memories the way I couldn't in the first place. It certainly is an adventure!